God's Hand, My Heart

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This blog is a follow-up on my previous post regarding pain and suffering. I realised after reading that it could be helpful to share a bit more on what I meant when I said several times that it was "hard". Encouraging, if nothing else, but to say, some other people may understand.

It's challenging for me to explain to someone else exactly what I'm feeling. Well, it was particularly when we were going through our deepest challenge, and even after.

I wanted to come up with a way to describe to people close to me how I felt. My initial words words were "I felt like my heart had been ripped out, but I was still alive." That's the description I could come up with to describe the emotional pain. Although I didn't tell that to anyone, at least not until I could express it further.

I'm not the same person I was before this happened. And if you asked me how I'm different, I'm not sure I could explain how, but I'll try. No, I don't have the words, I just know I am changed, my soul is not the same. 

Now, from a natural perspective, I could presume this to mean that this change is negative. However, despite feeling crushed, still, the position I want to take is that it is a positive change.

I am not professing to be the beacon of humility, far from it, but  I do think the Lord may have made me a bit less prideful through this (horrific) journey.

2 Corinthians 3:18 

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

1 John 3:2 – “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.”

And there are more scriptures which both encourage the believer and instruct us to be Christ-like.

As I reflected some time ago about how to describe what I had been going through, I realised that the description I had was insufficient. I can't sit here and tell you that I felt the presence of God through this journey, but I can't say He wasn't with us. After all, despite how I feel, I know He is. Hence, when I eventually said how everything had affected me, my answer was that "I felt like my heart had been ripped out, but God is holding it" (and in that sense, keeping me alive).

I can't think of a more accurate way to describe my absolutely crushed soul - watching my son go through everything, and my wife as a result and me and our other children.

I have nowhere to go, except to God. I mean, I know, He is. He is ever present. He is Creator, He is Father, He is Saviour, He is Lord, He is. He is faithful. He is the only One we can trust, despite our circumstances. In a world where everything changes, He is true. He is the Alpha and Omega.

Psalm 102:25–27 – “Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands. They shall perish, but thou shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed: But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.”

Hebrews 13:8 – “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.”

James 1:17 – “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

Christ gave us the Comforter and we have the Word of God with us also, we are not alone. But more than this Jesus Christ Himself leads us through the storms of life, the valley of the shadow of death.

Hebrews 13:20–21

“Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,

Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

John 14:6 (KJV):

“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

Whatever we are going through, the Lord Jesus Christ is the Only Way. 

John 1:4 (KJV):

“In him was life; and the life was the light of men.”  He is The Light.

I was searching for an image for this blog post, and I used AI to generate a living heart in a hand. But I couldn't use it because, although I found a reasonable image, I didn't want to bring down God by imagining a hand as his hand. So, instead, I used the terms "a garden in heaven". I wonder why I used those terms as an alternative? He still has a lot of pruning to do...Let's give Him glory; it belongs to Him alone.


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